My weight changes so often I don't even pay attention to the scale anymore. One day, I'm closer to 116; the next, I'm barely 109.
Numbers don't matter. Focus on how you feel--pay attention to your energy levels, ease of digestion, the way you feel in your clothes. These photos show my body's changes over the span of 9 weeks. Want to know what I did? I listened to my body. I paid more attention to its red flags and subtle messages, and then catered to those needs versus what I thought I needed. But let's backtrack a few... I have a rough history with food. If I solely ate based off of what I thought I needed, I'm sure I could convince myself to not eat anything at all. I remember telling myself, "You didn't deserve this," after every time I ate. Once that goes on for so long, anyone would start to associate a negative connotation with eating. The deserving-factor came about for a few reasons. I honestly can't remember when I went into this mindset because it goes as far back as I can remember. I have memories of counting the exact number of goldfish I would put into my ziploc bag as a snack before heading off to seventh grade at my new public school. I remember cutting protein bars into thirds and telling myself, "You can have this portion for breakfast, and this as a snack and then if you eat it slowly, this may be okay for lunch too." I remember waking up around 5:30/6am before high school so that I could either run at least three miles down the RJ Corman Trail near my family's home or make the mad dash to the gym so I could get in round one of two, sometimes three, in before being forced to sit all day in classes. Then, I remember the shame I began to associate with eating. I believed that if I didn't burn X-many calories then my body didn't need any extra,at all. I adopted the calorie-burned-equals-calorie-deserved mentality. So, let's say my watch said that I only burned 800 calories from my multiple workouts that day...then 800 calories was what I tried to keep my consumption around. The gym became my home. I started to become very small. And fragile. My immune system essentially sucked. Doctors scared me with the early signs of osteoporsis. My periods stopped for five years. Then, I remember going into a deep, deep depression that I'm not even going to begin to touch in this post. I started drinking alot. I didn't really watch what I ate and started eating in private so that no one could tell me I didn't deserve the food. I lost all motivation to do anything, even the only thing that seemed to give me purpose: working out and teaching fitness classes. I started to feel extremely uncomfortable eating around others and therefore, didn't. I remember going weekends without food if I went on a trip or spent that time with a partner. I also remember binging when I woud finally return home, only to purge because I felt so guilty. Long story short, I have had quite an unhealthy relationship with food and the whole concept of eating. All the stomach acid and digestion disruption I caused from restriction and purging led to a wide array of tummy troubles. Now, I can't digest a lot of foods and I often experience pain after after eating which makes banishing the negative association quite difficult. For me, eating meant pain. It went from meaning pain as in guilt and shame to pain meaning actual, physical pain. So even when I fully tried to get better there was so much damage that I needed to reverse. The physical pains from eating were so uncomfortable that it became all I could think about. I began to plan my entire days around when I would eat so that I could time out the pain appropriately. (For example, if I knew I had a social event later that day, I either wouldn't eat at all or I would wake up extremely early and try to eat enough nutrients to keep me going for the day...but I knew I had X-many hours for the pain to hopefully go away that I could be fully engages with those whom I was visiting with). It affected every aspect of my life; the pain interfered with work, social outings, sleep and so I decided to go to the doctor and end the suffering. I found out that I'm experiencing a form of IBS (which sadly, is chronic) but also due to my past of eating disorders. Over the past two years where I've been really trying to cure unhealthy mindset on food, reintroducing normal eating habits has proven quite difficult. My doctor prescribed a certain medication for IBS that helps with intestinal spasms but really, mindful eating is what has saved me. I've adopted a sort of intermittent fasting approach (learn more by following the link--I will do a separate post on this within the next week, also) to eating so that I give my digestive system a good break between meals. Technically, I still time my days around when I eat because I still experience pain; but it's far more tolerable. With intermittent fasting, I eat all my nutrients within a certain time frame so that my digestive system doesn't have to work all day long. Some may argue that several small meals a day is good for your metabolism and that I am hindering my metabolic health this way. However, as you can see from the photos my body and its ability to grow and strengthen has not been hindered by this eating approach. What good is look lean and sculpted if you can't hike 6 miles uphill to your favorite sunset spot? What if you deprive your body of so many nutrients that you physically can't muster the energy to drive 25 extra minutes and support your sister in her cheer competition after you get off of work (yes, that how week you can become from consistly starving yourself. It sounds like an exaggeration; but really, sometimes that energy could not even remotely be mustered)? Are you willing to sacrifice life experiences for the sake of your temporary physical appearance? Intermittent fasting has taught me to look at food as what it is-fuel. Food is fuel for our bodies to do the things we love to do. So now, I know that I must eat and I strive to fill my body with the food and nutrients it needs so that I can actually live life. Since it's still an actual painful process considering my past, I have to go about it with a somewhat-scientific approach. Here's what I mean: Before every meal:
As I eat, I think about what I am eating and what I want the food to fuel me to do. For example, if I'm eating an avocado I will picture the avocado and where it came from, then think, "This will help be do 30 more kettlebell swings later." This way of eating has helped me slow down and really think about what I am doing. It has helped me to stay energized and able to take and teach more classes plus stay productive at work. Added bonus....my abs appeared! Magic. I know that I only briefly mentioned some of the topics in this post; I will into more depth later in separate posts. Until then, peace and love! Get sweaty. Fuel yourself. ~yoginiliv
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I've never really been one for rigid routine schedules (eg. wake up at this time, always eat this at this time, grocery shopping on this day, social event from this time to this time, etc.) Yes, I have a little morning routine but it changes each day. I live intuitively--I listen to my body and try to decode its messages and hints. Having everything planned out to a tee actually stresses me out more than anything--I feel pressure from myself to stick to the schedule I created; and who wants to let themselves down? That being said, I do notice that I get alot more accomplished if I have not a schedule, per say, but moreso guidelines for the day ahead. I leave little post-it notes inside of cabinets, memos on my mirror and DIY dry erase boards dispersed throughout my apartment to serve as little reminders and motivators. Take this little board for example...I keep it by my coffee maker so that I'm sure to see it each and every morning. I might change this board once a week or every other week to change up my meditation routine or if there's something else I decided I want to incorporate into my mornings. I also have a board that I write out the night before because it's day-specific. I include options for breakfast, workout reminders, snack ideas and health regimens that I'd like to follow through with. Here's the one I wrote for myself last night: It's important to encourage ourselves--we can't expect anyone else to. These little reminders give me an agenda even on lazy Sundays (now, I really don't have any lazy days unless I'm utterly sick. Movement = bliss for me. These non-time-rigid guidelines help get me moving without the pressure of looking at the clock).
I take each day, one at a time, encouraging myself to be fully present in each moment. This mindful approach to each day, each hour even, help ward off anxiety and depression. I'll go more into that in a later post... Until then, remember to make each day your own. You are in control of your life. Create your reality. E-mail [email protected] for more information or if you have any questions. You can also see the Contact page for a larger image of these descriptions and links to social media accounts.
Have you ever pondered what you’re actually thinking about? What do a majority of your thoughts consist of? Have you ever thought that mental multitasking may be decreasing your experience and comprehension of what’s in front of you? Let’s look at it this way. While you’re off on your morning run, prioritizing grocery list items based on your budget and sorting through upcoming assignment dates, you probably missed that five-dollar bill just lying on the ground. You also missed the puppy with two different colored eyes who was just begging to be pet. Last but not least, you missed the advertisement for your dream job that was taped to the lamppost two blocks back. Now that you’ve been informed of what you’ve missed, are you really that upset? Probably not. It seems that most of us have become so complacent with our routine-based lives that when opportunities present themselves we are not only not upset if we miss them but also not actively seeking them either. Now let’s take the same scenario and go through some other things that were missed. Thoughts of oatmeal, dish soap, calculus equations and project proposals veil our eyes from the little girl who can’t find her mom crying down the sidewalk. We don’t notice the couple arguing behind their used Toyota, faces red and tears inevitably to follow. Finally, we trample overtop an innocent, curious caterpillar. Maybe you would never miss a five-dollar bill lying on the ground. Maybe you don’t own a pair of tennis shoes, despise the idea of running and wouldn’t even know what to do with your arms. Maybe you don’t like petting puppies. Point is, maybe we are missing out on a whole lot of living in life. We may have created a bubbled reality where only what directly affects us, concerns us. Naivety and ignorance to the max.
Mindfulness is the answer. The Google definition of mindfulness is “a mental state achieved by focusing one's awareness on the present moment.” It’s more than a type of meditation, mindfulness is a lifestyle choice. If we actively participate in our surroundings, we will introduce exponential gratitude and all sorts of new experiences into our daily lives. According to the concept of neuroplasticity, life experiences cause our brains to change and adapt—for the better! In other words, our minds are malleable but only if we take action and introduce mindfulness into our lives. We can rewire the way our bodies react to stress, develop new brain cells, reverse the aging process, and so much more. The simplest way to bring mindful habits into your life is to focus on your breath. Without this action, none of us would be here. Focus on each inhale as you feel your diaphragm drop and your rib cage expand. Allow your shoulders to fall toward your hips, creating length in your neck as you fully exhale. Repeat. Make each breath deeper and perhaps pause breathless in between, becoming aware of the void and the actual difference between how your body responds to breath and the lack of breath. This can be done for thirty seconds, thirty minutes, thirty days… Let’s revisit the running scenario. Practice mindfulness by concentrating on the way your feet hit the sidewalk; feel the force of the impact and then the contrast as one foot is in briefly in free air. Try to actually feel the sun on your skin, or the humidity, the raindrops, gusts of wind. Observe your surroundings and take them in. You’ll start to notice those crawling caterpillars on the pavement and your dream job may be right around the corner. Allow mindfulness to take over your thoughts and be fully present in every moment. We need to break our bubbled realities, retrain our brains and stop merely going through the motions in life. Literally stop and smell the roses. |
AuthorNature-loving, adventure-seeking, holistic and wellness advocate: Yoginiliv. Archives
May 2017
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